SLEEPING BEAUTY
The following is an extract the copyright of which is owned by Geoff Coventry
Nursey.
Oh, for goodness sake, Chester, haven’t you finished moving
that clock yet ?
Chester.
(straining and grunting)
Hrrmmmph !! Nearly.....done
!
Nursey.
I don’t mean to pester, Chester, but if I’d known you would
have this much trouble, dear, I’d have done it myself !
(to audience)
He’s not a strong boy y’know!
Chester.
(indignant) ‘Ere,
what d’you mean ? It’s heavy
!! (he tries again) You might like to think about giving me a hand !!
(Nursey walks behind him and appears to pinch his
bum)
Chester.
Oy ! Cut that out ! I didn’t mean that sort of a hand
!!
(Chester tries unsuccessfully and noisily to pick it
up again until Nursey pushes him aside)
Nursey.
You have a siester, Chester.
(siesta)
(she picks it up quite easily and walks across
placing it by DSR. )
Nursey.
(dusting her hands off)
If you want something doing, ask a woman. (to audience)
Isn’t that right, girls ?
Chester.
What’s it for, anyway ? Are you just gonna leave it there
Nursey.
It’s a clock, Chester. And, no, it’s only there for the
time !!
(to audience)
Only there for the time !!!!
Chester.
I know what it is, but what’s so special about this
clock ?
Nursey.
Not entirely sure, but it was given to me by the Fairy Queen
who said that it was very important
and that we should guard it well.
Chester.
And just how are we gonna do that ? I mean, we
can’t stand here all the time just watching it ,
can we !
Nursey.
I’ve thought of that. When we’re not here, the boys
and girls can keep an eye on things.
(to audience ) You’ll do that for us, won’t you ?? (response)
Great ! Now, if anyone molests
the clock I want you all to yell
‘MOLESTER CHESTER’ and he’ll come running. Have you got that
? We’d better have a
practice. Shall we give ‘em
a tester, Chester ?
(she walks over and touches the clock --- repeat as
necessary)
That was great !
Chester. OK, but why me ?
Nursey. Because I’ll be busy helping with Princess Beauty’s birthday party in two days time. But I’ve got another little present from the Fairy Queen which might help.
(she takes a cloak from her bag and holds it
up)
Chester.
And exactly how is a tatty old cloak going to help ?
Nursey.
Close your eyes.
(he hesitates) Go on, close them.
(he does, she puts her bag down, puts on cloak and says)
OK, open them.
Chester. (he looks around as if he can’t see her) Oh, very funny ! I close my eyes and she runs off !! Come on, Nursey, stop messing about ! (to audience ) Where did she go ? Can you see her ?
(look behind you etc )
Well I can’t see a thing , but she‘s left her bag!
I wonder what she carries around in here.
(he moves towards it but she takes hold of it and slides it away.
He stops, the bag stops. He looks at audience and tries again. It
slides again. He stops, the bag stops. This time he leaps suddenly and
catches it) Gotcha
!! (he bends down to have a
rummage and she kicks him up the bum)
OW!! (looking
around) Who did that ??
Nursey.
I did.
Chester. (looking around) Who said that ?
Nursey.
I did.
Chester.
I still can’t see anyone, can you ?
Nursey.
(picks up bag and uses top as a mouth)
I said, ’I did’!!
What’s wrong ? Are you deaf ?
Chester.
N..n..n..n..no, but I think I’m going bonkers ! I’m talking
to a bag !!
Nursey.
(taking off cloak)
’Ere, watch who you’re calling a bag !!
Chester.
Nursey !!!...........’Course, I knew it was you all along !
Nursey.
And what do you think of the ‘tatty old cloak’ now, then ?
Chester.
Looks pretty cool, actually..............can I have a go
?
Nursey.
Later. (handing it to him)
You’re in charge of it now.
Meanwhile, let’s get on with the birthday preparations.
(they both go to exit DSR and as they get to the
clock, Chester says to audience)
Chester. What do you call if someone touches this ? <Molester-Chester> Great ! Bye !