THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXTRACT OF WHICH THE COPYRIGHT IS OWNED BY GEOFF COVENTRY.
SCENE ONE VILLAGE SQUARE OPENING NUMBER ‘IF I HAD MONEY TO BURN’…………………………….
Baroness. Bit
of a nightmare , actually , dear.
You know what the trains are like these days........I know
Richard Branston got in a pickle over the bid he lost to Camelot
, but that was no reason to turn his rail service into a Lottery
!
<Baron. stands up>
Baroness. Oh,
HONEYBUNNY, how pretty she is.
<Cinders. looks at audience and mouthes ‘honeybunny’ >
Cinders. Thank
you, -- you’re pretty
glamorous yourself.
Baron. Her name is Lola
Cinders. Very
pleased to meet you Lola.
Baron. She
was a Showgirl.
All. Oooooh!!
Baron. With
pretty feathers in her hair..
Baroness. ...and
a dress cut down to there.
Baron. And she gave
it all up to come back here to marry you and look after me.
Baroness. Oh
dear , I think I hit him too hard with the mallett!! <pause while
she kisses his head>.< then to Cinders.>I know we’ll get
along just famously, dear. Now,
where are those two idiots of mine?
Uglies enter USL pushing ‘cage’ of luggage, puffing and grunting.
Mand. Ooooh.
I’m pooped. Are you ?I’m pooped.!
Sats. You’re
pooped !! That’s a laugh. I’m the one that’s done all the
work.
Mand. Oh,
you never.
Sats.
I did.
Mand. You never.
Sats. I
did
Mand. You never.
Sats.. I did . Don’t you remember, dear.
You’re the one flew off like ferret down a rabbit hole after that
FARMBOY!
Mand. <looking dreamily into distance as if
remembering> Oh, yes.
Sats. I
wouldn’t have minded so much, but you may recall we were
halfway up that steep hill when you let go. I shot off backwards
so quick my ears popped, and before I knew what was ‘appenin’ I’d
overtaken a police car and crashed through a farm shop. I got a
speeding ticket and two dozen eggs!!
Mand. Well
why didn’t you jump?
Sats. .I tried , but my knickers got caught on
this cage.!
Mand. I wondered
where you’d got to.
Sats. Well
you were no help at all! If it hadn’t been for that big woman
tying her shoelace in the middle of the road , I’d still be going
!!
Mand. <mock concern> D’you think
she’ll be alright.
Sats. Well she’ll have to sit on a very soft cushion for a while, and they still haven’t found that little vanity case.
<look at each other , wait a beat, then guffaw
with laughter>
Baroness. Stop
it you two, you‘re frightening the children. Now come here and
meet your new sister.
<Uglies leave cage and ‘flounce’over>
Baroness. Cinderella,
these sorry excuses for young
ladies are my daughters, Mandarin and Satsuma. Girls, say hello to
Cinderella
Uglies. <together and in a ‘nah nah nah nah
nah‘ patronising way and said all as one long word> HelloCinderellanicetomeetyouCinderella.!!
Cinders. I’m very pleased to meet you both.
I’m so lucky to have you as my sisters.
Mand. Of
course you are.
Baroness. O.K.
girls, get the bags and lets get settled in our new home.
Cinders. I’ll
help.
<All three girls move to cage as Baron and Baroness exit DSL. They all take up position to push the cage but the Uglies allow Cinders. to push it on her own and they ‘fall in’ behind chatting and filing their nails.>