ALICE IN
WONDERLAND
The
following is an extract, the copyright of which is held by Geoff Coventry.
Hat. very
rude
Mouse.
(waking up) Very
rude indeed! (back to sleep)
Alice.
I only wanted to say how much
I enjoyed your singing.....
Hat. ......our
singing?
Hare. ....you
enjoyed our singing?
Alice.
Very much.
And I’m sorry to have interrupted your birthday party......
Hat. ......my
dear girl, this is not a birthday party.
Alice.
It isn’t?
Hare. No.
Quite the opposite. It’s an un-birthday party!
Alice.
But what’s an un-birthday?
Hare. It’s
very simple........Thirty days hath Septemb..........no, that’s not
right!
(thinks) I before E except after.........no, no, that’s not right
either! (looks at audience)
She doesn’t know what an un-birthday is !!!
Hat. Allow
me to elucidate ! (musuc
starts again)
Now,
statistics prove, prove that you’ve ooooooone birthday
Hare. Just
ooooooone birthday every year.
Hat. ...but
there are 364 uuuun-birthdays
Hare. precisely
why we’re gathered here to cheer.
Alice.
Then today is my un-birthday
too!
Hat. It
is????? Well, what a
small world!
Hare. Well,
in that case.......
Both.
A very merry un-birthday ......
Alice.
.....to me?
Both. ....to
you. A very merry
un-birthday (Hatter hands her
a cake)
Alice.
.....for me
Both. ...for
you.
Hat. Now,
blow the candles out, my dear, and make your wish come true
(blow)
Mouse.
(Waking briefly)
Twinkle twinkle little bat
how I wonder what you’re at
up above the clouds you fly
like
a tea tray in the sky
(out again)
H,H and A.
A very merry un-birthday to
you.
Hare. Have
a cup of tea
Alice.
Thank you.
Hat. Now,
my dear, you were seeking information of some kind.
Alice.
Yes, I....
Hat. ......(shouting)......clean
cup, clean cup, move down!
Alice.
(who hasn’t yet had a chance
to drink) But I
haven’t used.......
(Both grab her arms and
bustle her down to the other end of the table, whilst the Hare sings:)
Hare. clean
cup, clean cup, move down, move down, clean cup, clean cup, move down!
Hat. Would
you like some more tea?
Alice.
(slightly irritated)
Well, I
haven’t had any yet, so I can hardly take any more!
Hare. You
mean, you can hardly take any less!
Hat. Yes.
You can always take more than nothing!!
Now, something seems to be troubling
you. Why don’t you tell us
?
Hare. Start
at the beginning.......
Hat. ......and
go through to the end and then stop.
D’you see?
Alice.
Well, it all started when I
was having a dolls tea party with Dina ,and along .......
Hare. ......Veeeeery
interesting...........who’s Dina??
Alice.
Dina’s my cat. Well,
suddenly.........
Mouse.
(Wakes up with a start at the
word ‘cat’ and immediately runs around in a panic, screamin:)
Cat! Cat!
Cat!
(the others chase him and
eventually catch him. H and H pin him down and yell at Alice